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© 1998-2003, |
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Deep Thoughts
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
 | As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. |
| Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. |
| One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. |
| One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. |
| To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. |
| Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. |
| The older you get, the better you realize you were. |
| I doubt, therefore, I might be. |
| Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. |
| Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday. |
| Women like silent men. They think they're listening. |
| Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. |
| Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. |
| A fool and his money are soon partying. |
| A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. |
| Death is life's way of telling you you're been fired. |
| Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. |
| Don't force it. Get a bigger hammer. |
| Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality. |
| History does not repeat itself. Historians merely repeat each other. |
| Mediocrity thrives on standardization. |
| Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film. |
| When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. |
| Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. |
| Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. |
| A day without sunshine is like night. |
| On the other hand, you have more fingers. |
| The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. |
| If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. |
| Money can't buy happiness, but is sure makes misery easier to live with. |
| Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. |
| A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. |
| It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. |
| Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn. |
| The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. |
| It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. |
| The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think. |
| Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. |
| Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan won't be evenly distributed. |
| It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. |
| Atheism is a non-prophet organization. |
| Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up. |
| Indecision is the key to flexibility. |
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If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply, because they will stop making it. |
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You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track. |
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Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a tough battle too. |
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This is as bad as it can get... but don't bet on it. |
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There is no substitute for genuine lack of preparation. |
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By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. |
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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. |
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Sometimes too much drink is not enough. |
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The facts, although interesting, are generally irrelevant. |
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The world gets a little better every day, and worse in the evening. |
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Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. |
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The other line always moves faster... until you get in it. |
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Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. |
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Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. |
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Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate. |
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It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything good. |
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I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. |
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If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. |
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If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. |
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One seventh of your life is spent on Monday. |
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The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. |
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory. |
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Do unto others. |
| Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them. |
| If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. |
| Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity. |
| Plagiarism saves time. |
| TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself. |
| Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups. |
| We waste time, so you don't have to. |
| Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker. |
| The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. |
| Four out of five people think the fifth is an idiot. |
| Is reading in the bathroom considered multitasking? |
| A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. |
| It's lonely at the top but you eat better. |
| A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well. |
| Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough. |
| If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. |
| A company is judged by the president it keeps. |
| The faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard. |
| Schizophrenia beats being alone. |
| Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either! |
| I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget. |