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J-E. M. Heydecker. All contents strictly reserved.
 

 

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Deep Thoughts

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

bulletAs you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.
bulletDon't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
bulletOne tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
bulletOne nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
bulletTo be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
bulletNever underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
bulletThe older you get, the better you realize you were.
bulletI doubt, therefore, I might be.
bulletAge is a very high price to pay for maturity.
bulletProcrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
bulletWomen like silent men. They think they're listening.
bulletMen are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
bulletGive a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
bulletA fool and his money are soon partying.
bulletA journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
bulletDeath is life's way of telling you you're been fired.
bulletHealth is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
bulletDon't force it. Get a bigger hammer.
bulletFairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
bulletHistory does not repeat itself. Historians merely repeat each other.
bulletMediocrity thrives on standardization.
bulletEveryone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have any film.
bulletWhen the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
bulletThose who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.  
bulletNothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
bulletA day without sunshine is like night.
bulletOn the other hand, you have more fingers.
bulletThe two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
bulletIf at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
bulletMoney can't buy happiness, but is sure makes misery easier to live with.
bulletNothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
bulletA truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
bulletIt has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
bulletAlways remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
bulletThe trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
bulletIt may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
bulletThe average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.
bulletClothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
bulletLaw of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan won't be evenly distributed.
bulletIt is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
bulletAtheism is a non-prophet organization.
bulletDon't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up.
bulletIndecision is the key to flexibility.
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If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply, because they will stop making it.

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You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

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Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a tough battle too.

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This is as bad as it can get... but don't bet on it.

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There is no substitute for genuine lack of preparation.

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By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

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Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

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Sometimes too much drink is not enough.

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The facts, although interesting, are generally irrelevant.

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The world gets a little better every day, and worse in the evening.

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Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

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The other line always moves faster... until you get in it.

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Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

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Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

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Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.

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It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything good.

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I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

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If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

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If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

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One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

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The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

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Do unto others.

bulletRome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
bulletIf you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
bulletArtificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
bulletPlagiarism saves time.
bulletTEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
bulletNever underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
bulletWe waste time, so you don't have to.
bulletGo the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
bulletThe original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
bulletFour out of five people think the fifth is an idiot.
bulletIs reading in the bathroom considered multitasking?
bulletA journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
bulletIt's lonely at the top but you eat better.
bulletA thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
bulletSometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
bulletIf you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
bulletA company is judged by the president it keeps.
bulletThe faulty interface lies between the chair and the keyboard.
bulletSchizophrenia beats being alone.
bulletTaxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
bulletI'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget.