My Most Embarrassing Moment

Never Borrow Someone Else's Van

My friend Jeri was going to UMASS Boston part-time, and living with her boyfriend, Gordon, in Roxbury. Now Gordon had a brother by the name of Thorvald. Thorvald owned a van. He was a cheesy sort who was having an affair with a married woman. He lived at home with his parents so they had to be creative in arranging their "time together".

Anyway, one day Jeri calls me, says she needs my help-- needs a ride from Dorchester to Foxboro, about 40 miles away. She begs me to come and get her. I reminded her that I didn't have wheels. She suggested getting in touch with Thorvald, maybe he'd let me borrow his van...

Needless to say, I got through to Thorvald, and mentioned Jeri's situation. He said he had to work, but I could drop him off as long as I came back for him later. I met him, got the keys to the van, and took off for UMASS.

The trip was pretty uneventful. I powered up to the main entrance at the campus and not being sure where to go, I stopped the van at the security gate. I was too far away from the security house to just open my window, so I turned off the van, and opened the door to step out. At the same time, the security guard stepped out of the little house and was walking toward me. As I stepped down, I heard a clatter behind me. I turned around, fast enough to see a vibrator pop down the step of the van, then bounce down onto the pavement, and slowly roll past my feet towards the guard.

As he slowly watched the vibrator roll toward him, I asked him where the "whatever" building was...He gave me the directions, the whole time looking at the vibrator. As I mumbled thanks and rushed to climb back into the van, he shouted to me, "Hey, aren't you forgetting something?"

I told him to keep it, and took off.